No, ‘Healthy’ Anger is not a dichotomy, but it does take awareness to apply it. While wild rage can be as dangerous for your health as suppressing anger, so using your anger in a healthy way is a tool for change and empowerment. I’ve spoken of anger before as a ‘secondary’ emotion, in that we don’t just get angry. Something or someone has to stoke it, but if that action triggers an old past wound, we do need to analyze the real source of the anger. So, healthy anger is of the now, recent moment where an aware response, not a reactive action is given. This means you are channeling your angered emotions to fully understand what was said or done, what seemed to curl your stomach into being uncomfortable – a step before anger. Discussion is needed, and if you cannot get the other person to explain, you may have to revert to ‘non-accusatory’ questions, such as ‘you seem to be _ _ _ ‘ or ‘did I understand _ _ _ ?’ in a more calm or questioning way, rather than raising a voice or direct negative accusation.

Sometimes simply stating that something is not ‘acceptable’ to you, should begin a dialogue. If you don’t speak out or speak up, people will assume that you not only accept what’s been said or done, but you agree with it. You do have a period of time to redirect something for effective change, or your frustration will build into rage. This negative anger not only causes stress/depression, but numerous later illnesses or disease when buried for a long time. Perhaps you are not challenging something said or done because of your family culture, religious restrictions-especially on women, or who has created the situation is of a power level that intimidates you. Now, you may be moving into passive-aggressive action to others or worse, self-sabotage/self-blame. These damaging effects of unexpressed anger that need to be realized, as you process and plan how to remove yourself from the creators.

One way to approach this is to look at this ‘anger-creating’ situation as an opportunity/challenge to develop courage/self-empowerment. Yes, it may take many internal steps of change inside you, but that’s a more positive use of your time than swallowing and getting weaker. You have a right to be happy, and anger is not part of that. At the same time, healthy anger is a positive emotion you also have a right to have. Don’t just talk to yourself negatively about it, or just vent in your journal – though both may help you get started. If you are feeding old accumulated anger, work on releasing yourself from it. Separate this new situation away from what’s happened in the past. Healthy anger requires you to define yourself as to who you actually are, and how you want others to treat or interact with you. It requires you to focus on you, and whatever changes you need to make, or have others understand what’s basic to a relationship with you, whether personal, business or in public with strangers.

Recognize your projected positive attitude, body language and perceptions regarding your interactions with others. You should never feel helpless or powerless in any chosen circumstance. Think of how many social and political movements have been fueled by putting a positive attitude into a grassroots movement that created changes – large and small. You can be the ‘effective change’ by using your ‘healthy anger’ in a positive way, creating empowerment for so many like-minded others.