Did you ever stop to think that those people who always say, ”Oh, it doesn’t matter to me.” or “I don’t care, whatever is fine,” that they may be setting you up for being blamed for whatever You Chose to be wrong? They don’t like it-whatever, because they did know what they wanted, but didn’t want to go out on a limb to speak up or say so?!?! Sometimes the whiney complainers are the most manipulative because they are trying to get You to make Them happy. Which of course, is impossible! We are all ultimately responsible for making ourselves happy, as it does have to come from the inside to be real. On the other hand, if they are fake or shallow people only wanting superficial or momentary satisfaction, then they probably don’t have any true emotional feelings as to what they really do like or don’t like. Never forget that No matter how many flavors of ice cream are available, there is always vanilla for those who can’t decide.

This is not to say its wrong to be open to whatever someone else wants to suggest, when you don’t have a particular ‘taste’ for something at the moment. But when presented with the choices, you should be able to choose or create one of your own. I remember at one of the first dinners I had in Japan with a manager, and his people that I was about to train, taught me so much about their need for group consensus, or following the lead of the boss. It was a very nice menu with good English sub-titles. The manager deferred to me to start the order. I wasn’t aware that whatever I chose everyone was going to have to eat. Beef being a very expensive item, most employees look forward to having it when the manager orders. But I didn’t know this or how things worked. I do not remember what I ordered, but it was something unusual. The manager tried to guide me toward the beef, but I was clueless at that early stage of the game.

The account manager from the company I worked for then leaned over and whispered in my ear the facts of life in Japan regarding the hierarchy of the situation. I was smart enough to cover my shock, and turned back to the manager saying I would take his suggestion, as I was still so new to eating out in Japan. I must admit that if I had an aversion to his choice, I probably would have made some excuse, as to allergy and gone ahead with my choice, but I didn’t. As the years rolled by though, and I saw how many people let their choices be pushed under for not wanting to make waves, or being the nail sticking up with individuality. Till the end of my leaving, I refused to play stoic or martyr. I also concentrated on teaching those coming into my classes who would be sent over seas, the importance of having and making a choice and decision. Even then I was encouraging empowerment to a very controlled culture. I will never forget how several of the women had profusely thanked me as I was leaving to have expanded their lives and treated them equally.

Standing up for one’s self, and others perhaps not so capable of doing so, is the absolute of empowerment. I will not put up with rudeness, nor the mistreatment of others, and I do speak up even when chastised by some for making a scene. I do not feel letting someone erode on my personhood or others, should be ignored. Sometimes, though rarely, others will admit their lack of awareness as to what they have done. I then profusely thank them for that acknowledgment. Anyone who admits to their mistakes immediately shows their strength, rather than those who have a dozen excuses to cover their error. Think about it.