Dating after first divorced at 26, I was in the process of learning not to try to please everyone, or a worse habit of rescuing. What helped immensely was being around older women who were more secure with themselves, and definitely knew who they were. It was the age of feminism, yet I liked men, especially those who liked my feminine side, but they did not always like my growing independent side. Then I began to learn the word ‘enough’ in all of its variances: had enough, knew I wasn’t loved enough, or done enough or hung in there long enough. In other words, realized they weren’t going to change – as I hoped or they had promised. The final ‘enough’ came when I began to accept that I was enough. They had to take me as I was. Yes, I was always open to change-growing, but on my terms as I grew in Metaphysics, and then Spirituality. Of course, learning to say: “I am enough!” took a long time to be totally absorbed and believed. Lesson by lesson, I learned I did not need to be anything I wasn’t, or interested in being. Learning that I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone for any reason was huge.

Much of this had to do with balancing my pride and ego. In job-hunting, after returning from 7 years in Japan, I was disappointed in how many interviewers had no idea how difficult the work had been, or what I had actually accomplished. I would catch myself doing a ‘strong sell-job’ until I finally realized, if they didn’t get it or me, why would I want to work for them? It was similar to finally giving up on correcting people on their misnomers or misbeliefs! LOL The ego-rescuing again, as if most people really cared if their version of something had to be accurate. The point is, as I became more confident and secure within who I was, how other people felt or did things began to faze me less. And, I began to remove myself from them as soon as I could. Granted, I still have a low-tolerance of ineptness, and fools or stupid people even less. Those are my choices, but I don’t try to fix others, I just bless them and move away from them, so I’m not agitated or absorb any of their negative energy.

In talking with my son regarding aging, ‘intelligence can only go so far, it takes experience to know how to apply it.’ When your confidence grows into independence of who you really are, you become more empowered in what you can do. Choose to make each moment a learning lesson of growing and changing as to no limitation on being enough. Never let someone else, no matter who they are, define who you can or can’t be. Be aware once you begin to complain or whine about someone or something – what can you change? Remember you can only change you, so consider the situation – what do you need to change about it to be happy again? If you’er in a box – business or personal – what do you need to do to get out of it? How much of this did you do to yourself – sabotage – acquiesce? Not voice your opinion? Asked for clarification or discussion? Deep breathe and see how much can be changed to suit you, or has it gone to the ‘had enough’ point? I believe in working things out, but they have to be mutually contributed to for foundational change.