I’ve been thinking about this for some time, and this will be my last blog. I’m back to working on my memoir, which takes time, and writing energy. It’s not just my memoir, but also that of my three best friends – we all got divorced together in the early 1970s. We were pioneers, and obviously made a lot of mistakes or lessons learned. I’m the last to tell our stories, as I promised. The title is Choices, Changes & Friends. This depicts my belief we’re an accumulation of all we’ve done, or how the dominos of life lead us from one thing to another each time we’re touched by someone. How we grow, from our choices and changes that result. Most importantly, having friends to help see you through it all. So, my last lesson for you is just that – resilience.

Psychologists have identified some of the factors that make someone resilient, among them: a) a positive attitude, b) optimism, c) ability to regulate emotions, and d) ability to see failure as a form of helpful feedback. Even after a misfortune, resilient people are blessed with such an outlook that they are able to change course and keep on, keeping on. As I said, from and what I’ve written about many times, is looking as those mistakes or setback as lessons to be learned. But I also believe it depends on how big or difficult the lesson. So, I’ve got some suggestions for most of the common ones, especially as we’re all growing older.

Developing resilience:  Loss – If you have lost friends or allies; opportunity; money; reputation; you are going through loss. Whether you’re talking about people or things, and depending on the severity, take a few days to let it sink in, and be sad or angry. It is healthy to take time and not rush through the unexpressed emotions that are normal with an important loss. Next, you need to write down what you learned from your experience. What could you have done differently? How can you get smarter, stronger, and more savvy? Failures or loss are part of life, and not unique to you, they are how we learn to be better at what we do. Clean out, clear out – release and let go of as much of the emotional debris that may be swirling around you.

Each circumstance is different, look at your options and the relationships/people that want to work with you – still believe in you, and will stick by you. Take that deep breath to push for your inner strength and courage to revisit those moments, to see their purpose, to take the gift from it to step forward to create a better future for yourself. While you want a goal to rebuild, don’t set too tight a time clock. Have patience with yourself, set a plan with achievable steps, and don’t band-aid. For any loss, recovering takes time. Every small accomplishment says you are working at moving past it. And, remember to never deny your past – there are no shortcuts to change. Like when doing rewrites or editing, I sometimes find a better way to say what I want and need to say.

There is nothing like a sense of humor to get you through almost anything, yet a devastating loss can destroy even a great sense of humor. You must learn to find your sense of humor, again. What made you laugh – find it and do it. You have to get out among people and be sociable, don’t mope. Laughter helps you feel better and even helps your creativity to find your new inspiration. Quit hiding from yourself, look for the wisdom which will show you the truth. Don’t let the fear lead you away from Your New Life. And, the New You will be Empowered to move forward.

Never give up and always have follow-thru on everything you do.